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Delirious With Weird

Friday, September 10, 2004  

Firstly, is it wrong of me to like the Jojo single? Secondly, how the fuck is she 13? Fourthly, does that make me a p@3d0ph1l3, even though I don’t actually know what she looks like, because I am aware that she wears high heels? And C; in Romeo & Juliet, Juliet was being married off at 13 because that’s how old her mother was when Juliet was born. And lastly, an “age of consent” was only actually established in Victorian times (which is when the concept of “childhood” was created too), and is, if you think about it, utterly arbitrary, just like all other age limits on all other things, from driving to drinking to owning your own house. Also, I like the Natasha Beddingfield tune, is that wrong? I thought it was Nelly Furtado for at least the last month, but now I know. Emma thinks she’s gorgeous and looks nothing like her lumpen brother, whereas I think she is gorgeous and looks just like her lumpen brother (cheekbones, eyes). Plus the “nothing that I write is ever good enough” line in “These Words” may be the best unabashed pop moment I’ve heard this year (“Toxic” not being unabashed pop but rather some kind of scary cybernetic robo-sex techno-funk bombshell), being, as it is, both melodically totally unexpected and also lyrically self-deprecating (which is unexpected from the sister of the most oafish tosser in pop).

Fantastic documentary on C4 last night about 9/11 conspiracy theories, which was just incredulous enough towards the nutters and paranoiacs that it made you feel they were all nutters and paranoiacs, and yet didn’t entirely convince you that we’re not being lied to en masse by the American/UK governments and security services. I’d write more but people might be reading.

I also watched (most of) Resident Evil, which quite possibly trumps Johnny Mnemonic as The Worst Film I Have Ever Fucking Seen. Paul W. S. Anderson is clearly some kind of fucking crazy genius, moving from the limpid space-horror of Event Horizon (Sam Neil IS NOT SCARY, even if he is playing SATAN HIMSELF, because he’s SAM NEIL, THE CUDDLY PALAEONTOLOGIST FROM JURASSIC PARK) to this, this Extraordinary mess of cliché and bad CGI and unwarranted near-nudity (Milla Jovovovoovichichy wearing TWO PIECES OF PAPER TIED TOGETHER WITH STRING) and ZOMBIE DOGS (which Milla Jovovovovichichy had to KICK THE HEADS OFF OF) and GIANT GENETICALLY MODIFIED BEASTIES and an update on 2001’s Hal that has the voice of the little girl from Aliens (saying things like “They can only be destroyed by spinal severance or severe trauma to the brain” = CLASSIC) and so on and so forth. Lest we forget, this is the man who directed Mortal Kombat (gotta love those big-budget, low-concept computer game cash-ins, eh? I remember the days when Ocean licensed every film going – these days it seems Miramax or whoever licences every beat-em-up going). And next up by PWSA is Alien Versus Predator, The Game Film We’ve All Been Waiting For (since we were 13 and spotted the graphic novel in a dingy comic shop, but which we forget about as soon as we hit 16). And he looks like he’s only 21.


9/10/2004 09:53:00 am


Blogger HOLT - 12:37 pm

Nick, you are going to run out of specious, pseudo- intellectual defences before long. It will be at this time you will have to confess to having the same taste in pop music as a 12 year old. Natasha Bedingdfield.. FFS..!

Check out the Guardian review of OON. Possibly more frustrating, contrived and ill-judged than any other ordering of words I've ever happened across since Hutton.

Blogger Nick - 1:16 pm

Already read it, John - check back a few pages before your message about and you'll see my dissection.

Also, do not fear pop!

Anonymous Anonymous - 12:31 am

Nelly Furtado

Good fucking call. Very similar.

She pointed to me once during 'I'm like a bird' at T in the Park a few years back.

I'm sure of it [insert loved up emoticon here].



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Nick Southall is Contributing Editor at Stylus Magazine and occasionally writes for various other places on and offline. You can contact him by emailing auspiciousfishNO@SPAMgmail.com

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