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Delirious With Weird

Friday, March 26, 2004  
Crosstown Traffic
The traffic report on Radio 2 at about ten to nine this morning confused my near delirious self, as the plumy female reeled off in monotone received pronunciation a string of bizarre traffic observations from listeners.

“Rocky Roadhog in North Diddleswip reports a gaggle of golightly geese obfuscating the movement of Pete’s Pedicure Patrol on the A911 just past the crossroads between Lower Plunket and East Slaughter.”

“Mo the motorcycle courier is in Little Framplebottom, and tells us there’s a spillage of spillable spilt things causing much morning mayhem on the B1234 just outside Biggleton.”

“And another report via ESPmail from Wicky the Witch about the fromage frais incident on the B666; apparently a crab-apple of cows is now lactating generously in the area, adding to the cheesy chaos. The RNASWR suggest avoiding the area heartily, and having a fuck-off shower instead.”


3/26/2004 03:18:00 pm


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Nick Southall is Contributing Editor at Stylus Magazine and occasionally writes for various other places on and offline. You can contact him by emailing auspiciousfishNO@SPAMgmail.com

All material © Nick Southall, 2003/2004/2005