@uspic¡ous Fish¿!
Delirious With Weird

Tuesday, October 07, 2003  
How many ways do I love you, Mouse On Mars? Many, many ways.

Only seven of us turned up tonight, fucking pathetic, just 'cos they lost last Sunday (I never play on Sundays, who the fuck wants to get bodychecked by fat men when they could be eating crumpets, eh?- last season I made two appearances, one as substitute striker [my natural position, being selfish and lazy and possessing a thunderous and occasionally accurate right-foot] and one as rightback [not my natural position]; I scored one goal, which was when I came on upfront- moral of the tale?- never ask Nick to play in defence). But only five of the people on the next pitch turned up too, so Steve switched over and we took them on. Had we concentrated we could've scored 20, as it was we won 8-2. Billy challenged me to score seven but after a spectacular left-foot volley went an inch wide, and another left-foot shot rifled off the post I started having fun rather than concentrating, as we all did, indulging in foolish dribbles and chipped passes for team-mates to volley clear of the fence. I did score one though, the opener, a proper head-down Ronaldo burst. Billy headed a corner clear, I picked the ball up and went at their only defender who'd hung back, left him on his arse and nutmegged the keeper with satisfying aplomb FORZA! Man, I love scoring goals. Love love love scoring goals, love nutmegging people, squeezing through gaps I shouldn't be allowed to get through, picking out instant, ad-libbed passes to my brother for him to score from, turning past people, surprising people by how fast I can be when I do run, how sturdy I am when I'm barged, but most of all I love love love scoring goals, and I love scoring spectacular goals best of all, turning the keeper, smashing the back of the net out, diddling defenders and stroking it home left-footed. Don't get me wrong; I'm shit, but I enjoy it.

10/07/2003 11:20:00 pm


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Nick Southall is Contributing Editor at Stylus Magazine and occasionally writes for various other places on and offline. You can contact him by emailing auspiciousfishNO@SPAMgmail.com

All material © Nick Southall, 2003/2004/2005