Monday, May 19, 2003
Hail To The Thief
Hail to the NM-fucking-E.
Do you see that? Do you see the fear in James Oldham's eyes?
I don't understand; I'm thirty-five years old, I shouldn't have to deal with this anymore, I want a column in The Independant...
"The electronic pieces, ultimately diluted takes on the superior work of artists like Autechre and Aphex Twin, served simply as distractions."
See the fear? The incomprehension? James Oldham glances skywards and sees a cloud and lightening and not understanding he claims it is the wrath of God, dissolves himself in mythology; he can't engage, he can't deal with this. He's a conservative (small 'c') old goth, a sensitive indieboy, convinced he's a humanist and a liberal and open-minded and into 'art' and 'expression' but only if it fits parameters. What the fuck are NME doing giving him the Radiohead album to review? Because he's been there longest after Swells? Because he loved The Bends? See how he trots out the meme "superior artists like Autechre and Aphew Twin" and see the fear in his shaking hands as he types that?
I don't understand them, I don't know who they are or what they do or what it means, but everybody else talks about them in hushed whispers so they must be special, they must be beyond reproach, they must be magical; how can Radiohead appropriate magic? How can I understand this? I can't I can't I can't must submit.
What did you expect? Garage rock? More of the fucking White Stripes? Yeah Yeah Yeahs? Strokes? OK Computer was conceived to sound like "DJ Shadow producing The Beatles"; even NME themselves managed to notice that bass was the key instrument on that album, from Airbag and Exit Music's ominous rumble to Karma Police's melodic undulations, and now they're expecting Radiohead to follow somehow in the wake of these hicksville Americans who don't even have a bassist? Who are scared to utilise any technology made after 1963 in the production of their music? Did you really fucking think that? You idiots. Fools.
They've gone electronic. They're making weird art. I don't like it. I don't understand it.
Why must the 'rock songs' on Radiohead's last two albums necessarily be more effective than the 'electronic' or 'experimental' ones? Because James Oldham is a rock critic, firmly embedded in his canon and afraid to step outside; afraid to see anyone else who should be within his canon step outside either, in case it forces him to open up his mind. Because he thinks he already is open-minded; jimmying that crowbar in slightly and levering his cranial plates apart just a tiny amount is going to let the light in and as soon as that happens James Oldham will be made to realise that actually his open mind is clamped tightly shut. Wisest is he who knows that he does not know. Everything In It's Right Place is as good as anything on Drukqs; better, even. You can say that. There is no objective truth to the matter, it can't be proven, but equally there is no objective fact which states "Aphex Twin is by definition superior to Radiohead". Stick your neck out, James Oldham! Say "fuck it; Idioteque is better than Windowlicker!" Go on; be brave. Running scared of the nasty electronica isn't doing you any favours.
What if it is good? What if it's amazing and I just don't realise? What if I can't understand?
And so NME give Hail To The Thief a 7, a cop-out on both sides, neither damning it nor praising it but rather saying "look, we don't fucking know, we're not qualified to say anymore." NME voted Coldplay as album of the year six months ago and now Radiohead return and make Coldplay look decidedly lightweight and vapid (as if we didn't know already!), and they're more concerned with covering backs attempting to second-guess the public and other critics/journalists. HTTT will, of course, sell shitloads of copies, simply because Radiohead have built up such an enormous fanbase over the years, and it will, of course, be compared unfavourably with that albatross of a third album that to this day people can't quite get over. And still people will bitch about Kid A and Amnesiac, because you are not allowed to step outside your box, and because most people still cannot listen and think for themselves. Hell, that's why music journalism exists. Wrap me in plastic and stick an 'r' underneath my fingernails and sell me right on back to the kids. I am 24 and I am dying. I was 18 when OK Computer came out and I didn't give a fuck about it. I was 21 when Kid A came out and I was nonplussed. I was 16 when In Sides by Orbital came out and it BLEW MY MIND. I was very nearly 18 when Ladies & Gentlemen We Are Floating In Space came out and THAT BLEW MY MIND TOO. Then I went to university and went mad and sought solace in familiar and comfortable things, largely, and only now am I breaking shit open and finding cool new things underneath and to the left of again. I do not want Travis. I do not want Muse. I do not want Coldplay. I care not for Radiohead but even I can see that HTTT is a fucking brilliant album; it's thrown Kid A into relief for me, shown me that it is a masterwork, reaffirmed by belief that Amnesiac has some great moments but is a pale weak sibling of Kid A (should they have been a double? Yes; Sandinista! wouldn't have worked as two singles, or even one single, ditto The White Album; in each case we need the chaff to throw the wheat into splendid relief; and Kid A and Amnesiac are so obviously of the same cloth, the same sessions, that we need to see the whole scope to find out what they were doing, where they were leading towards). You simpering wimp, James Oldham. Vote for Coldplay. Pine for The White Stripes. Be scared of Aphex Twin! Be in awe of Autechre. Be confused by Radiohead. Do you really, really want more crunchy garage rock stodge? More winsome acoustic indieboy stodge? Or do you want progress, bravery, ideas? Because that's what I always thought NME was about; and now you're running scared.
5/19/2003 01:55:00 pm
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